Faith In Testing Too

I have been procrastinating for, studying for, and preparing for the GRE everyday since May. I spent nearly half of my vacation time in South Carolina studying GRE vocab words on the beach or by the pool. I overdid it working 10 hour shifts and spending every day off practicing math problems. I stressed myself out, because I believed it was necessary to become both a human dictionary and develop an analytical mind within a matter of months. I neglected spending time with my precious Jesus because I thought I could do all of this on my own.

News flash? I can't. You can't. None of us can pursue anything effectively or efficiently without the grace of God.

The other night, I was sitting in BASIC, listening closely to "He Knows My Name" by Francesca Batistelli. For those of you who have never heard the song, it is basically about how God loves us individually but equally and that we are valued in His eyes. But the concept of God's love really began to sink in and encourage me that night. Yes, I know God loves me, but that phrase gets thrown around like a cliche, so I thought about it deeper. Do I understand the concept and the definition of what "unconditional" means? Do I really know that God loves me? If I did, I wouldn't be doubting His faithfulness, and I wouldn't be doubting how well He knows how to equipt His sons and daughters.

So there I was, sitting in Science Center 251, listening to "He Knows My Name," and being reminded of God's love. Even more than that, though, I was reminded that God has called me to be a Speech Pathologist, and that He is even more aware than I am of all of the crucial components that are necessary to be completed in order to pursue that career: including the significance of the GRE. So why would God - the one who personally planted this desire in my heart in the first place, allow me to fail and not be able to pursue something He has called me to do?!

The answer is simple: He won't. I am not entering this test tomorrow with blind faith, but with a preparedness that I have been diligent about accomplishing all summer.

The verses from Luke 9 that describe how Jesus fed five thousand people with only five loaves of bread and two fish keep scanning across my mind, as I am comparing that to God blessing the amount that I have studied. Yes, I have studied a lot, but there is no way that I will possibly do well on this test tomorrow evening without the grace and the help of my almighty God. I am not as erudite as one may hope to be, but I do have an omniscient God who is willing and pleased to help me succeed.

Just as God blessed and multiplied the bread and the fish in order to feed five thousand people, I believe that He will bless and multiply what I have studied and help me do well on the GRE tomorrow.

Praaaaise the LAUD.

;)

Finding an Attitude of Gratitude in the Little Things

This morning, I woke up convinced that the highlight of my day would be grocery shopping. (Whole Foods recently opened in Albany and I was really looking forward to finally being able to check it out). But truthfully, I had a pretty negative attitude about the way my day was going to go. I didn't want to leave home - I wasn't ready. Summer flew by this year. Honestly, I feel like it never even happened; and I was feeling homesick before I even left home. On top of that, I was worrying about my future and a few other circumstances that I have been trying so hard to handle on my own, and not looking forward to driving 2 and a half hours just to arrive at an empty apartment and run errands alone.

But, thankfully, to my surprise, God reminded me how much I love road trips. With my iPod on shuffle, I kept getting caught on the songs with the lyrics about God-dreams and being held in His loving arms. This was just what I needed to add a refreshing touch to my week. You know, that's the thing about God. He is omniscient; and He always knows just what I need - even when I don't. As I was sitting there listening to these songs on repeat, I was captured by the beautiful (yet distant) view of the mountains and seemingly infinite green trees with the clear blue sky as it's backdrop... And I began to pray. I prayed about everything, and it was a special moment with God that should be cherished for a lifetime. 

My God is incredible, and so are moments like these. I am so grateful for the little things like this, that remind me how important it is to have an attitude of gratitude.

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Glory to God in friendships.

Have you ever met someone that you instantly just looked at and thought to yourself, "I need this person in my life"? Not the intimate, heart pounding, "I need you" kind of way; but the "This person ignites my spirit because he or she is so in love with God" kind of way.

I'm speaking specifically about a girl on my college campus. I met her last year, within the first few weeks that I came to St. Rose. We were both attending a new club that was starting on campus called "Girls For God." I ended up making the decision not to continue on with my participation in the club, but this girl's heart for God never left me. Intermittently, I would run into her on campus and we would have brief encounters; each one filled with the power and goodness of God. Her knowledge of the bible and the way she gives life to the word of God is something I admire so deeply.

Within the past few months, God has blessed our friendship and is continually causing it to prosper. The other night she attended an event one of my classes was hosting called, "Reach Up St. Rose." I had been praying that her schedule would be able to open up for her to share one of her poems in our talent show, because I have heard and seen how her words impact the people who are so blessed to hear them. Before the event, she found me frantically running around trying to get things done and asked me to pray with her. We went upstairs, and just had a beautiful time of prayer together with God. It was during these moments that I felt our friendship strengthen. It was also during these moments that I felt God give purpose to our friendship.

Later that evening, she called and asked if I were able to swipe her into the POD for dinner. Unfortunately, I missed her call, but when I called back I offered that if she ever needed a swipe again, I was happy to help. Tonight, as I was writing my book report for my political science course, she texted me and asked for a swipe. I ran downstairs, excited for a time of good conversation and fellowship. This girl has without a doubt the sweetest, purest, most joyful soul out of anyone I have ever met. I am so thankful for the friendship we are developing, and even just that people like her exist. Every conversation we have uplifts my heart. I truly believe friendships like this one bring glory to God's mighty name. Before we departed for the evening, she told me that I am a light in her life that provides her with a calm, trustworthy environment in which "What you see is what you get."

I'm so thankful for sweet compliments that cause my spirit to soar, and sweet friendships that bring glory to God's name.

Try to out-dream God...I dare you.

You can't. You wouldn't be able to do it even if you tried. Even if you wanted to. Even if you thought you had the biggest dream ever, because it's impossible to out-dream God.

I have to admit I stole the title of this post from the pastor's wife at my boyfriend's brother's church. I was visiting this weekend and my boyfriend's mother was praying on the way to church that each one of us would receive exactly what God wanted us to receive from that service. This is what I received from it.

Andrew has been applying to transfer recently, and this has placed a lot of pressure on me because we are hoping to be closer in vicinity to one another within the next year. Unfortunately, he has to make his decision a year earlier than I do and I currently don't have a clue where God wants me to be, nor where I even want to be. But then there's Columbia. An Ivy League that I never would have dreamed of even thinking about applying to until last year. And until recently, I pushed that thought aside because my dreams seemed too big. I didn't get accepted to my "dream college" when I applied as a freshman, so why would anything be different now? What a horrible mindset to have. I 'll tell you why I didn't get in: God had better plans for me. If I were to have gone to Hamilton out of high school, I wouldn't have been able to major in speech pathology and I wouldn't have met the people I have met or done all that God has called me to do where I am right now. Things would have been different and I wouldn't have been happy because I wouldn't have been in God's will. Columbia might be different. Who am I to limit where God wants me to be just because I don't think I am "good enough" to be accepted? And if I do get accepted, where is all of this money going to come from to pay for me to go to grad school there? Well, let me tell you something pretty cool. I have a God who provides for all of my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. I also have a God that I can put full trust in.

Although I am still a year away from applying to graduate school, over the next few weeks I plan to begin a study about DREAMS. God dreams. I have heard this preached a lot recently, in various settings, so I am taking advantage of it.

"Awakening and owning the dreams that God has placed in our hearts isn’t about getting stuff or attaining something. It’s about embracing who we are and who he has created us to be. In him. He is our dream come true, and the one true love of our life. But we can’t love him with our whole hearts when our hearts are asleep. To love Jesus means to risk coming awake, to risk wanting and desiring."

& there will be even brighter days ahead.

Right from the very start, this place has been such a blessing to me. Challenging? Yes, but rewarding none the less. My God, when He promises something, He keeps that promise and fulfills it with an overflow of His unending grace and mercy. "At the same time that the dusk is gone, the dawn will come. It is a new day for you."

Through the tears and the struggle with homesickness during the first couple of days, I still managed to experience divine appointments within only my first few hours on campus. Meeting Erica in IT was definitely one of them. I had been worrying about visiting a new church for the first time all by myself, but no worries. Five (+) people have asked ME if they could come to church with me sometime. What a testimony. Also, more times than one, God has woken me up to pray and seek Him and I just know all the potential I have here is through Him. Once I figured that out, I was set. I feel so much peace being here, so much peace.

Tonight, I joined a group called "Girls 4 God." It was started by a communication major, who has a real issue with the way media identifies women, and a big heart to get across the falsity of that. The mission of the group is to be a safe haven for any girl who has ever felt insecure, and to spread the love and truth of Christ through various encouraging projects. Our first project? We are going to write encouraging little notes and messages in all of the girls bathrooms on campus. On post its, mirrors, etc. Eventually, its' going to branch out and become noticeable not just in bathrooms, but everywhere. We are going to change St Rose and the inevitable insecurity that the media sends off to girls all over campus.

Would you rather...

Would you rather be packing for college or drool all over the place the next time you're in public?


I totally hate packing, I'm sick of it. So bring on the DROOL!!!

Summer Vacation.

The first day: I took what seemed to be the longest train trip in the entire world. We kept stopping for no reason, but I finished reading the Hunger Games, and I just love travelling. When I got there, my boyfriend and his parents greeted me at the train station with hugs and food. The best things. We played Apples to Apples at the youth group party and after we cleaned up, there was still music playing so Andrew and I danced in the church basement, and then stargazed and talked in the grass in the backyard. Then we all got coffee and went back to their house to watch Batman.

The second day: We went to a minor league baseball game where my boyfriend's little brother and each kid on his team got to walk out and be introduced with the player that played their position. I went in a bouncy castle obstacle course and a slide with Jason and Lianna, and stuffed my face with cheese fries. Yum.

The third day: Lots and lots of vacation prep. Then our girls day consisted of: manis and pedis, and black raspberry icecream with strawberry and pineapple topping for me. The evening was topped off with a massive thunderstorm.

The 4th day: We got a late start on the drive to Jersey. My boyfriend's car doesn’t have AC, and it was 101 degrees, so that was quite an adventure in itself. We didn’t get to Six Flags till about 5PM but because of the storm the night before there weren't any lines. We were able to do absolutely everything we wanted to do before the park closed. I finally went on King Da Ka, but El Toro was my favorite. We had pizza for dinner and stayed at a wicked fancy hotel for the night.

That weekend: After checking out of the hotel we drove to Ocean City, MD. There was a ton of traffic that added extra time onto our drive. The first night in OC we spent swimming, getting caught in the rain, singing "What Makes You Beautiful" in Apple Bee's, and falling asleep watching the Olympics.

Then on Sunday was Carissa’s birthday. We basically spent the entire day at the beach, in the ocean (me getting pumbled by waves), and discovering the most delicious pretzels in the entire world. We went to a really fancy place for dinner that night and sat outside on the patio by the ocean, watching the sunset. Then we spent the rest of the night walking along the boardwalk and going through all the different shops.

Monday we spent the day in the pool, eating stuffed pretzels, and being awed on our double date at the Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum. For our date night, Andrew and I went to Fager’s Island: the best restaurant I have ever been to, which really shouldn’t have worked out as well as it did. Basically, when Andrew tried to call and set up reservations the night before, they told us that the type of dining we were looking for was not available to be reserved – so it was basically just go and hope you can find a table. So we get there, not as early as we had hoped, and there wasn't ANY available parking spaces. We had to wait in a huge line of cars just to get into the parkinglot, but fortunately when we drove around the lot for a little bit, a car pulled out of a parking space right in front of us that we were able to snag. Then we went inside and the hostess told us to find a table. The back deck was packed. A lady that worked there saw us standing around looking lost, and spotted another couple that had just left. She hurried up and cleaned the table and we ended up with one of the best views of the sunset. We sat on the corner of the deck, facing the bay and the dock and the gazebo and the sunset. AMAZING. There was music blasting and they set off streamers into the ocean at the end of one of the songs – it was lovely. The deck was decorated with strings of lanterns. We had such a nice time. After our dinner, we walked along a bridge to see the view and we were surrounded by the bay/ocean and partly lit hotels. Then we went to the fair and walked the boardwalk for a while.

Tuesday we spent the morning on the boardwalk, eating more pretzels, and the afternoon boogie boarding in the ocean/laying on the beach again. We went to Crab Alley for dinner, watched the Olympics, and there were fireworks over the marina from the beach. Then we went back over to the boardwalk for our last night there. Bittersweet.

Wednesday began summer fest. We drove from Ocean City to Elkton, had breakfast at a nice café, got stuck in a storm at Starbucks, and stopped at Chick Fil A for the appreciation day. It was my first time there and there was literally no space left to move – it was amazing. Jabin Chavez spoke that night about being on God’s mind, and how Jesus was alone when he preached/taught, so that when we feel alone in the natural it’s just a moment of redirection where we have to pick up our cross and stand alone with God. He said “Choosing a season alone will lead to a lifetime with Jesus.” This message really spoke to my heart and the way I’ve been feeling since I came home from Ithaca. After service, we went into the cafeteria for desserts and then back to our rooms for curfew at midnight. I stayed with Jenel, Sam and Carissa so we basically just spent the whole night awake and talking – filling each other in on the important parts of our lives that we had yet to talk about. It was good for some real girl bonding time. For some reason though, I remember this night the least.

For whatever reason I was the most amped for the morning services this year. Something about getting up early to praise God brings me joy. Joey was on camera crew video taping the worship services all weekend and he said he got a good close up of me praying and crying out to God. I was praying so much Thursday morning, about every little thing I could think of. God’s presence was so captivating that I started laughing hysterically, and I just couldn’t stop. I just had the biggest dumb grin on my face, glorifying our amazing God. Jabin Chavez spoke again that morning and this time he gave us 5 points to keeping our destiny: Make the bible a priority, pray, stay passionate, marry the right person, and forgiveness. I really like Jabin. He’s a good mix of funny and sticking to the point during his sermons. He never goes too far off topic with his jokes but he keeps everyone, especially the youth, paying attention. Those are qualities of a great youth pastor. That afternoon we spent playing volleyball. I hadn’t played in years so it was a lot of fun. Thursday night Dr. Jay LaRue preached and he is so passionate and knowledgeable of the word that I barely have any notes. I was too focused on what he was saying. He paints a very detailed picture of the scriptures he uses when he preaches, and has a style sort of like slam poetry with his hand motions, movements and the way he presents himself and speaks. It was kind of difficult to follow at first, but amazing once I caught on. 

Friday was basically the same thing: morning service, volleyball, night service. Dr Jay preached during both services which made me really happy because I decided he’s my favorite preacher I’ve ever heard at a conference. He’s older which generally means he contains more wisdom – but the passion he exhibits for God through his messages is just incredibly liberating. He preached on John 4:10-14 and John 7:37 and the rivers of life flowing through our bellies. That night, Jay LaRue preached again and it was the most powerful service yet. When we went back to our seats after worship, we never actually stopped worshipping… on our faces, in our seats, and nearly everyone’s arms were raised. Then Dr. Jay had an alter call for people wanting more Jesus and everyone ran to the front of the church. We were all kneeling down and praying and worshipping and Dr. Jay started preaching with all of us there sitting up front on the floor right under his feet. It made things a lot more personal, I think. Then he had all of the people who were above the age of 20 stand up in a circle around the rest of us, and told them to pray over us. Then he started prophesying again, and he prophesied over me this time.