I love people, I love being surrounded by them. People of different colors, people from different backgrounds, people of all ages.. But I especially love being surrounded by my family.
Loud households filled with laughter make my heart happy. Andrew's loving family welcomes me with open arms each time my name is even brought up into conversation. But today, I wasn't with Andrew's family. Instead, I was surrounded by my own family: 7 more people than normal.
My aunt, uncle and three younger cousins are staying with us for the weekend. Preparing for them is time consuming, but well worth it once they arrive. Yesterday my mom and I spent the entire day baking and cooking an assortment of different foods to please a variety of vegetarians, meat lovers and those of us with one big sweet tooth; while my dad spent the evening making sure all of our pool accessories were filled up with air.
My mom's brother and his family arrived this afternoon. After an unsuccessful trip to the bank and a successful trip to Walmart, I was ready to spend the next few hours swimming and playing games in the pool with my cousins. Leah and I had a blast, soaking up the sun... And the water.
By this time, my grandparents had also arrived. Dinner tonight consisted of an elaborate BBQ: cheeseburgers, hotdogs, veggie burgers, hot sausage, macaroni and cheese, corn on the cob, salad, and let's not forget our homemade hot fudge brownie sundaes for dessert. Somewhere in the midst p all of that Leah and I even manages to fit in a makeover, some piano playing, and a few intense games of Just Dance.
After dinner consisted of some quality conversation with my grandma, and a little stroll down our country roads at sunset with my aunt and two of my cousins, a quick stop at the barn, and the discovery of a beautiful Monarch butterfly laying steadily in the grass.
When we came back home, we attempted to watch Inception but about 30 minutes into it agreed that we were all too tired to stay awake any longer.
So here I am, in bed, reflecting on this perfect summer day, and missing my man.. Wishing he could have joined in on all of this summer loving and family time.
Someday!
Friday, June 29, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Divine occasions with The College of Saint Rose
I am so thankful that my God has such a great plan for my life, and this is truly just the beginning.
1) First off, before visiting the campus, I had a dream that I was enrolled in Saint Rose and loving it. However, a couple of classes required bus transportation about 10 minutes away from the campus. I didn't know it at the time, but it turns out that St Rose offers photography and other select courses about 10 minutes away from the campus. Seemingly insignificant, yet still divine.
2) As I was talking to the transfer advisor, Dan, during my visit, he noted that they had never received my transcript from UC. That means St Rose put together a few other things in order to get me into their school. For some reason, they wanted me there, and they made it happen.
3) When I was finally told that St Rose never received my transcript from UC, they requested that it be sent out immediately in order to award me scholarships, etc. I was away for the weekend, so my mom had to go to the college and pick my transcript up for me. As stated in other posts, it was difficult for me to connect with the majority of the people while I was there. Out of God's grace, the girl working the desk at the time happened to know who I was and granted my mom permission to sign a form without me being present.
4) I was awarded the second highest transfer scholarship available. :D
Miracles.
Everything is coming together so perfectly. Thank you, God. I will continue to trust in you for the rest to fall into place exactly where it belongs.
1) First off, before visiting the campus, I had a dream that I was enrolled in Saint Rose and loving it. However, a couple of classes required bus transportation about 10 minutes away from the campus. I didn't know it at the time, but it turns out that St Rose offers photography and other select courses about 10 minutes away from the campus. Seemingly insignificant, yet still divine.
2) As I was talking to the transfer advisor, Dan, during my visit, he noted that they had never received my transcript from UC. That means St Rose put together a few other things in order to get me into their school. For some reason, they wanted me there, and they made it happen.
3) When I was finally told that St Rose never received my transcript from UC, they requested that it be sent out immediately in order to award me scholarships, etc. I was away for the weekend, so my mom had to go to the college and pick my transcript up for me. As stated in other posts, it was difficult for me to connect with the majority of the people while I was there. Out of God's grace, the girl working the desk at the time happened to know who I was and granted my mom permission to sign a form without me being present.
4) I was awarded the second highest transfer scholarship available. :D
Miracles.
Everything is coming together so perfectly. Thank you, God. I will continue to trust in you for the rest to fall into place exactly where it belongs.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
A change in plans and a full-fledged dependence on God.
This isn't easy for me to say. There is just so much. If only I could find the words... and if only I knew how to listen to God the first time around, things would be so much less difficult. But it is by His grace and deliverance that I have even made it this far, and I am more than grateful. This past year has been filled with brokenness, hurt, suffering, confusion, heaviness and a disconnection; all which eventually led me to a period of growth, transition, further maturity in faith, learning how to solely depend and trust in God, and a deep spirit of discernment. My testimony is so great and so overwhelming all at the same time.
As you know, the reason I originally left Ithaca was because the spirit there was so heavy. Granted, I had other things weighing down on me as well, but mainly the evil spirit on that campus was so overbearing that I could barely function as myself. I spent a lot of energy bogged down instead of being excited about new opportunities like I should have been feeling. I was unable to trust my judgment and decision making, and I cried all the time. The atmosphere was the color of gray. Witnessing false prophesy, false teaching, unique attacks from Satan, and more sin than I had ever seen in my life... I didn't think I was ready to take on that challenge. Yes, I did grow immensely while I was in Ithaca for that one semester. But the way I was feeling while I was there was a tough road to tread through. For a while I thought I was insane, because no one else understood exactly what I was feeling. But when Andrew brought me back to school that one night in December, he felt it too. I just found out like a week ago that he came home and told his parents he didn't like being there because of how dull and heavy it felt. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The crazy thing is, when I came home I missed Ithaca so much. At times, I was happy to not be going back, but other times, all I wanted was to go back. I forgot all about the heaviness, and the nearly depressed feeling I had while I was there. I thought God was calling me home to consume my life into my church, but things were so different at home, and in my church that I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I no longer fit in, and I felt so disconnected and out of place that it was almost unbearable. I spent a lot of time crying at home too. So I basically just got to the point where I just wanted to get away and there was a part of me that wanted to go back to Ithaca. At a bit of a low, I missed the friends I had made there, and although I know coming home turned out to be exactly what I needed, I wanted to get out of here. But during the beginning of my decision process of potentially going back to Ithaca, I received a phone call from Lisa. She told me that she doesn't normally involve herself in another person's decision making (I know first hand that this is normally true) but she felt too strongly about what God had just shown her and couldn't resist. She had been praying about me for Ithaca, when God let her experience the heaviness that was over that place as well. She said it was unlike anything she had ever felt, and unlike anything she wanted to ever experience again. God also showed her in Exodus 13 when He didn't lead the people through the quickest way to the Promise Land because He knew that once they were faced with battle, they would most likely change their minds and return to Egypt. Best part is, God had told me to start reading Exodus about a week prior to this conversation. There it was, my first word of confirmation.
I knew from the beginning that I wasn't planning on staying at Utica College either, but I just wanted to get out of Ithaca and I was willing to take every opportunity I could to make that possible. But UC did not have my major and the second i stepped on campus, I didn't feel like I fit in at all. I tried to make friends, and sure I had acquaintances and I would talk to different people in class, but I could not manage to fit in. There was a wall blocking me from feeling as comfortable as i should have been able to feel there. I realize now that wall was God... "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." (John 15:19). Recently, I even received a word from three different people at two separate times that confirmed that this is going to be how my college life will be. I had different expectations, wanting to be "everybody's buddy" like I was in highschool. But college is more realistic in that it is of the world, and I needed to rid myself of the mindset of necessarily "fitting in" and find my niche in people that could encourage me and stand by me in faith.
Coming home for the semester was just the right amount of time for me to realize that I am more ready to be on my own than I thought, and it also gave me some time to hear from God and learn that my original goals for my life were not the same as His goals for my life. I was blessed with the amazing opportunity to shadow a speech pathologist at one point, in an elementary school setting, and it was such an uplifting and inspiring day filled with smiles. It also offered me the motivation I am going to need to strive through all the hardships in order to reach my end goal. That is something that is officially set in stone for me, that I was previously unsure of, which is a wonderful feeling. Aside from that though, I used to see myself living in my hometown/area forever. Never leaving other than to travel for little vacations here and there, always being surrounded by the very same people. Coming home and taking classes more locally this semester allowed some space for God to place a fresh desire in my heart. Exploration. Opportunities. New places. The city. I have spent so much time traveling and getting to know the will of God for my life in different places. Searching for comfort in Him as well as familiarity and a sense of belonging in newly formed relationships, locations and states of mind - and boy, that is such a blessing!! Jeremiah 29:11 has been so encouraging to me this past year. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.." God woke me up countless times in the middle of the night to remind me of this verse.
Knowing that I wasn't going to stay at UC for any length of time, I began my college search once again. I researched, visited and applied to so many different schools. Doors would seem to open just a crack and I would dive in, and either end up disappointed or way too stressed out. My parents had restrictions and limits, which although understandable, seemed to make things more difficult at the time. Even after being accepted to some schools, my peace was not restored. I turned down a few acceptances before making the decision to get everything settled back into IC. One campus tour caused a little chaos between me and my family. I was so excited about attending this college at first, and so was my boyfriend. But before he even made his decision not to go, I had heard from God that it wasn't a good place for me either. That was hard. During this time, Matthew 6:33 kept showing up everywhere. "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." At first, I had a slightly warped idea of what this scripture was intended to mean to me, but now I see where God was headed with it.
A bit more recently, some people began helping me look into some more options for other schools. Although I was pretty burnt out and ready to just head back to Ithaca, I didn't feel right about it. (When God speaks to me when I don't seem to really want to listen, He digs into my gut and makes me kind of nauseas.) Whenever I thought about sitting in that Terrace Dining Hall once again, it made me feel very uneasy. I was not content with going back to Ithaca, I just had myself convinced that I was. Then I realized that a girl I know happens to actually attend St. Rose. I was originally just looking forward to getting to talk to her about the school a bit because I knew she was a Christian and it would be nice getting some information from an on campus Christian's point of view, but then I realized that she transferred there, in the same major as me, as a sophomore as well. Our situations were so incredibly similar, and our conversation about the school skyrocketed. I had so many questions. I'm not letting anything go unanswered this time. No beating around the bush. At first, I have to admit I wasn't too excited about the idea. I had originally heard some mixed things about the campus so I made a point to get in contact with as many people as I could to drill them about the school, the city, the atmosphere, etc. All of the answers I received, the reviews I read, and the information I found on the site continued to make me happy and have, so far, seemed to fit my description of the "perfect school."
I asked one of my pastors to pray with me about decision making a couple of weeks ago. He spent a good 45 minutes praying with me and then encouraging me about how to make the right choice. He helped guide me in the sense of what types of things I need to factor in, etc. He asked God to send me prophetic words from outsiders to confirm my decision making so that I would be positive of it this time. He talked about how to feel God's peace. I was really thankful for that conversation.
Even before that, random people in my church were coming up to me and basically telling me not to go back to Ithaca - but in lesser words. Over the past couple of weeks, my decision has become more and more prominent and clear to me. I have received multiple words of confirmation. One night, Lisa told me that God told her that He does not want me back in Ithaca. Just like that. Super straight forward. You'd think this would be enough, but I'm stubborn. I wanted to hear from God, 100% for myself. (He had been speaking to me many times before this, obviously, but I was waiting for a more clear-cut, in your face type response.) One morning, while I was waiting for Carissa to wake up, I was sitting on the floor on my little blow up mattress and reading my bible. I asked God to show me scriptures that would lead me to make the right decision. Then, I kept asking for more scripture. They all turned out to be along the exact same lines, and basically God told me that I will be heading for destruction and times of turmoil if I return to Ithaca. That Sunday, I went to church with my boyfriend and his family. I have met many of the people there many times, but none of them know anything about my situation. Conveniently, before service began, they had an alter call for anyone in search of direction. I went up to the alter for prayer, and when Pastor Jack and Marilyn prayed over me, they both said that the right decision may not be exactly what I want, and that there are is something I keep trying to add into the equation that shouldn't be there. I went back to my seat powerless and recharged.
Since then, more and more things have seemed to make sense for me to go to Saint Rose. I'm really looking forward to visiting the campus on Friday. I will write again after that.
As you know, the reason I originally left Ithaca was because the spirit there was so heavy. Granted, I had other things weighing down on me as well, but mainly the evil spirit on that campus was so overbearing that I could barely function as myself. I spent a lot of energy bogged down instead of being excited about new opportunities like I should have been feeling. I was unable to trust my judgment and decision making, and I cried all the time. The atmosphere was the color of gray. Witnessing false prophesy, false teaching, unique attacks from Satan, and more sin than I had ever seen in my life... I didn't think I was ready to take on that challenge. Yes, I did grow immensely while I was in Ithaca for that one semester. But the way I was feeling while I was there was a tough road to tread through. For a while I thought I was insane, because no one else understood exactly what I was feeling. But when Andrew brought me back to school that one night in December, he felt it too. I just found out like a week ago that he came home and told his parents he didn't like being there because of how dull and heavy it felt. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The crazy thing is, when I came home I missed Ithaca so much. At times, I was happy to not be going back, but other times, all I wanted was to go back. I forgot all about the heaviness, and the nearly depressed feeling I had while I was there. I thought God was calling me home to consume my life into my church, but things were so different at home, and in my church that I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I no longer fit in, and I felt so disconnected and out of place that it was almost unbearable. I spent a lot of time crying at home too. So I basically just got to the point where I just wanted to get away and there was a part of me that wanted to go back to Ithaca. At a bit of a low, I missed the friends I had made there, and although I know coming home turned out to be exactly what I needed, I wanted to get out of here. But during the beginning of my decision process of potentially going back to Ithaca, I received a phone call from Lisa. She told me that she doesn't normally involve herself in another person's decision making (I know first hand that this is normally true) but she felt too strongly about what God had just shown her and couldn't resist. She had been praying about me for Ithaca, when God let her experience the heaviness that was over that place as well. She said it was unlike anything she had ever felt, and unlike anything she wanted to ever experience again. God also showed her in Exodus 13 when He didn't lead the people through the quickest way to the Promise Land because He knew that once they were faced with battle, they would most likely change their minds and return to Egypt. Best part is, God had told me to start reading Exodus about a week prior to this conversation. There it was, my first word of confirmation.
I knew from the beginning that I wasn't planning on staying at Utica College either, but I just wanted to get out of Ithaca and I was willing to take every opportunity I could to make that possible. But UC did not have my major and the second i stepped on campus, I didn't feel like I fit in at all. I tried to make friends, and sure I had acquaintances and I would talk to different people in class, but I could not manage to fit in. There was a wall blocking me from feeling as comfortable as i should have been able to feel there. I realize now that wall was God... "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." (John 15:19). Recently, I even received a word from three different people at two separate times that confirmed that this is going to be how my college life will be. I had different expectations, wanting to be "everybody's buddy" like I was in highschool. But college is more realistic in that it is of the world, and I needed to rid myself of the mindset of necessarily "fitting in" and find my niche in people that could encourage me and stand by me in faith.
Coming home for the semester was just the right amount of time for me to realize that I am more ready to be on my own than I thought, and it also gave me some time to hear from God and learn that my original goals for my life were not the same as His goals for my life. I was blessed with the amazing opportunity to shadow a speech pathologist at one point, in an elementary school setting, and it was such an uplifting and inspiring day filled with smiles. It also offered me the motivation I am going to need to strive through all the hardships in order to reach my end goal. That is something that is officially set in stone for me, that I was previously unsure of, which is a wonderful feeling. Aside from that though, I used to see myself living in my hometown/area forever. Never leaving other than to travel for little vacations here and there, always being surrounded by the very same people. Coming home and taking classes more locally this semester allowed some space for God to place a fresh desire in my heart. Exploration. Opportunities. New places. The city. I have spent so much time traveling and getting to know the will of God for my life in different places. Searching for comfort in Him as well as familiarity and a sense of belonging in newly formed relationships, locations and states of mind - and boy, that is such a blessing!! Jeremiah 29:11 has been so encouraging to me this past year. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.." God woke me up countless times in the middle of the night to remind me of this verse.
Knowing that I wasn't going to stay at UC for any length of time, I began my college search once again. I researched, visited and applied to so many different schools. Doors would seem to open just a crack and I would dive in, and either end up disappointed or way too stressed out. My parents had restrictions and limits, which although understandable, seemed to make things more difficult at the time. Even after being accepted to some schools, my peace was not restored. I turned down a few acceptances before making the decision to get everything settled back into IC. One campus tour caused a little chaos between me and my family. I was so excited about attending this college at first, and so was my boyfriend. But before he even made his decision not to go, I had heard from God that it wasn't a good place for me either. That was hard. During this time, Matthew 6:33 kept showing up everywhere. "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." At first, I had a slightly warped idea of what this scripture was intended to mean to me, but now I see where God was headed with it.
A bit more recently, some people began helping me look into some more options for other schools. Although I was pretty burnt out and ready to just head back to Ithaca, I didn't feel right about it. (When God speaks to me when I don't seem to really want to listen, He digs into my gut and makes me kind of nauseas.) Whenever I thought about sitting in that Terrace Dining Hall once again, it made me feel very uneasy. I was not content with going back to Ithaca, I just had myself convinced that I was. Then I realized that a girl I know happens to actually attend St. Rose. I was originally just looking forward to getting to talk to her about the school a bit because I knew she was a Christian and it would be nice getting some information from an on campus Christian's point of view, but then I realized that she transferred there, in the same major as me, as a sophomore as well. Our situations were so incredibly similar, and our conversation about the school skyrocketed. I had so many questions. I'm not letting anything go unanswered this time. No beating around the bush. At first, I have to admit I wasn't too excited about the idea. I had originally heard some mixed things about the campus so I made a point to get in contact with as many people as I could to drill them about the school, the city, the atmosphere, etc. All of the answers I received, the reviews I read, and the information I found on the site continued to make me happy and have, so far, seemed to fit my description of the "perfect school."
I asked one of my pastors to pray with me about decision making a couple of weeks ago. He spent a good 45 minutes praying with me and then encouraging me about how to make the right choice. He helped guide me in the sense of what types of things I need to factor in, etc. He asked God to send me prophetic words from outsiders to confirm my decision making so that I would be positive of it this time. He talked about how to feel God's peace. I was really thankful for that conversation.
Even before that, random people in my church were coming up to me and basically telling me not to go back to Ithaca - but in lesser words. Over the past couple of weeks, my decision has become more and more prominent and clear to me. I have received multiple words of confirmation. One night, Lisa told me that God told her that He does not want me back in Ithaca. Just like that. Super straight forward. You'd think this would be enough, but I'm stubborn. I wanted to hear from God, 100% for myself. (He had been speaking to me many times before this, obviously, but I was waiting for a more clear-cut, in your face type response.) One morning, while I was waiting for Carissa to wake up, I was sitting on the floor on my little blow up mattress and reading my bible. I asked God to show me scriptures that would lead me to make the right decision. Then, I kept asking for more scripture. They all turned out to be along the exact same lines, and basically God told me that I will be heading for destruction and times of turmoil if I return to Ithaca. That Sunday, I went to church with my boyfriend and his family. I have met many of the people there many times, but none of them know anything about my situation. Conveniently, before service began, they had an alter call for anyone in search of direction. I went up to the alter for prayer, and when Pastor Jack and Marilyn prayed over me, they both said that the right decision may not be exactly what I want, and that there are is something I keep trying to add into the equation that shouldn't be there. I went back to my seat powerless and recharged.
Since then, more and more things have seemed to make sense for me to go to Saint Rose. I'm really looking forward to visiting the campus on Friday. I will write again after that.
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