Emailed them a few days ago asking about internships and giving them a bit of background on my life as of lately. Just received an email in return saying that if I end up in the area, they'd love to have me volunteer at their church!
#pumped
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Ithaca testimony
First of all, let me just give you a little bit of background. The reason I originally left IC was because the spirit of that place was so heavy. I thought it was just me until Andrew brought me back after weekend visit home and said he felt it too. Over this past year, I have been acquiring a unique spirit of discernment and learning how to deal with it and the best way to go about it. So the spirit I was feeling at Ithaca last semester was draining me by just being there on that campus. Long story short, I felt like God was calling me home to get as involved in my church as I possibly could, and regain my strength in Him with my church family alongside me, encouraging me the whole way.
HOWEVER, I can't even begin to describe how difficult this semester has been for me. Emotionally, spiritually, relationally, etc. I have been facing so many challenges in every aspect. I knew from the beginning that I wasn't planning on staying at UC, which is where I am now, but I just wanted to get out of Ithaca and I was willing to take every opportunity I could to make that possible. But UC does not have my major and the second I stepped on that campus for orientation, I didn't feel like I fit in. I've tried to make friends, and sure I have acquaintances and people I can talk to in class, but I still just do not fit in - even to this day. This is a rare thing for me to accept considering I was voted "everybody's buddy" for senior superlatives in high school and it was so easy for me to make friends in Ithaca. But here, there is a wall blocking me from feeling as comfortable as I should be able to feel.
Not only do I feel out of place at UC, but at church as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my church and my church family and I wouldn't trade them for anything. But I don't even feel like I fit in there anymore. I used to have so much responsibility there, I was a youth leader, I did so much for everyone. But this past semester i have had to work my butt off to even find out where there is a need that needs to be met, despite my willingness to get involved in any way. It is definitely a struggle. Even more so, my relationship with every single person in my church has changed. I am not as close with my pastors, nor any of my friends. At first i thought everyone had changed, but I think it was actually me. And not in a bad way.
Being at Ithaca, as draining as it was for me, was also a beneficial time for me spiritually. Being away from my church family taught me to solely depend on God for everything as well as to be more careful with things that I allow into my heart and my spirit. I learned to feel God's presence, as well as negative spirits in a whole new way. I think that's also where I learned to become so discerning. As my faith grew, so did my dependence on God...and my acceptance for secular activities such as watching certain TV shows and listening to certain types of music that maybe other people find okay declined. There are times now where I'll be listening to Manafest or Unhindered or some worship band and honestly get PICKED on by people IN MY YOUTH GROUP as they sit there and listen to Kanye West and Jamie Foxx. (Good sound, bad message.) It's also hard to go off to college and then come back to a bunch of people who never left. You start to notice a lot of things that you didn't see before. (I am basically the only person in my church who went away to college and came back. Everyone else either left and lost touch with God, or just stayed home and never left for college at all. So I am the only exception that nobody has gotten used to yet.)
It's not that I'm no longer a part of my church and I'm not friends with anyone there anymore, because I definitely am. I'm still a leader, I still help out whenever I can, and I'm going to a conference that only the youth leaders have been invited to in April. I still appreciate all of them and am very, VERY thankful for my church and my pastors and everyone else that is there. But I also think that God called me home to get involved with the church to REDIRECT me to a new place. A new path. Maybe it's because God knows that if Andrew and I get married I will most likely move away so He's preparing me for that ahead of time since I have always been so set on staying in this area forever and always being a part of Life Church. But Andrew's family has been called to ministry AS A FAMILY so maybe I'll end up a part of that as well. Last semester, God spoke to me at a conference about being called to ministry. Last week, this was confirmed. I still don't know what aspect, but I'm positive I'm called to some aspect of ministry and perhaps that is why God is redirecting me. Or maybe it's something completely aside from all of this. Who knows? God does. But I think that's also why my family and I have been on such awkward terms lately as well. My parents give me less freedom than they did when I was in high school. I went away to college for a semester and now that I'm back, they've been holding on tighter than ever. My parents aren't saved, so they also do not understand being led by God, and that has also been a challenge as of lately.
Which brings me to the fact that I'm going back to Ithaca in the fall; and trust me, I have never spent so much time and effort praying for direction in my entire life. And I'm not stopping. Jeremiah 29:11 has been my life verse this year. It's seriously so pertinent and relevant to my life. God has woken me up in the middle of the night to remind me of that verse countless times over the course of this year. And that is where my trust is going in all of this: God.
No one is too happy about it. It was actually really hard for me at first as well. And I'm sure going back there isn't going to be easy for a lot of reasons. Actually, for a while, I kept feeling like God was confirming for me NOT to go back there. But when I started talking to my parents (I know they mean well and I'm thankful that they only want what's best for me but they have been making things so difficult for me lately) about all of it and applying to different places, the only options that ended up available to me are within like a 1 hour radius - which i know is not what God wants for me. Also, they don't have my major and I know for a fact that speech pathology is where I'm called to be as a career. That's another story though…but ultimately I need to get out, I need to move on, and I need to start seeking God's direction for my life in a new way. I'm not sure how long I'm going to be staying at Ithaca...maybe for a semester, maybe for a year, maybe for the rest of my undergrad….But none of that needs to be decided right now. I'm trusting in God for that as well.
As of right now, my current plan (which this could definitely change) is to either finish up my undergrad at Ithaca or go back to Ithaca for a year and then transfer to New Paltz (this all depends on a lot of different factors) ...and then do grad school for 2 years in the city. Maybe do an internship with Hillsong NYC or one of the churches in the area. I'd love to go to bible school when all is finished but I know my parents would be really upset if I skipped out on getting a degree that would make me money and just went to bible school right now. Also, like I said, I'm supposed to be a speech pathologist.
It is really, truly amazing how God works, and I'm learning that more and more everyday. This year has certainly not been easy for me in the least bit, but looking back on it, I have actually been very blessed in a lot of different ways.
HOWEVER, I can't even begin to describe how difficult this semester has been for me. Emotionally, spiritually, relationally, etc. I have been facing so many challenges in every aspect. I knew from the beginning that I wasn't planning on staying at UC, which is where I am now, but I just wanted to get out of Ithaca and I was willing to take every opportunity I could to make that possible. But UC does not have my major and the second I stepped on that campus for orientation, I didn't feel like I fit in. I've tried to make friends, and sure I have acquaintances and people I can talk to in class, but I still just do not fit in - even to this day. This is a rare thing for me to accept considering I was voted "everybody's buddy" for senior superlatives in high school and it was so easy for me to make friends in Ithaca. But here, there is a wall blocking me from feeling as comfortable as I should be able to feel.
Not only do I feel out of place at UC, but at church as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my church and my church family and I wouldn't trade them for anything. But I don't even feel like I fit in there anymore. I used to have so much responsibility there, I was a youth leader, I did so much for everyone. But this past semester i have had to work my butt off to even find out where there is a need that needs to be met, despite my willingness to get involved in any way. It is definitely a struggle. Even more so, my relationship with every single person in my church has changed. I am not as close with my pastors, nor any of my friends. At first i thought everyone had changed, but I think it was actually me. And not in a bad way.
Being at Ithaca, as draining as it was for me, was also a beneficial time for me spiritually. Being away from my church family taught me to solely depend on God for everything as well as to be more careful with things that I allow into my heart and my spirit. I learned to feel God's presence, as well as negative spirits in a whole new way. I think that's also where I learned to become so discerning. As my faith grew, so did my dependence on God...and my acceptance for secular activities such as watching certain TV shows and listening to certain types of music that maybe other people find okay declined. There are times now where I'll be listening to Manafest or Unhindered or some worship band and honestly get PICKED on by people IN MY YOUTH GROUP as they sit there and listen to Kanye West and Jamie Foxx. (Good sound, bad message.) It's also hard to go off to college and then come back to a bunch of people who never left. You start to notice a lot of things that you didn't see before. (I am basically the only person in my church who went away to college and came back. Everyone else either left and lost touch with God, or just stayed home and never left for college at all. So I am the only exception that nobody has gotten used to yet.)
It's not that I'm no longer a part of my church and I'm not friends with anyone there anymore, because I definitely am. I'm still a leader, I still help out whenever I can, and I'm going to a conference that only the youth leaders have been invited to in April. I still appreciate all of them and am very, VERY thankful for my church and my pastors and everyone else that is there. But I also think that God called me home to get involved with the church to REDIRECT me to a new place. A new path. Maybe it's because God knows that if Andrew and I get married I will most likely move away so He's preparing me for that ahead of time since I have always been so set on staying in this area forever and always being a part of Life Church. But Andrew's family has been called to ministry AS A FAMILY so maybe I'll end up a part of that as well. Last semester, God spoke to me at a conference about being called to ministry. Last week, this was confirmed. I still don't know what aspect, but I'm positive I'm called to some aspect of ministry and perhaps that is why God is redirecting me. Or maybe it's something completely aside from all of this. Who knows? God does. But I think that's also why my family and I have been on such awkward terms lately as well. My parents give me less freedom than they did when I was in high school. I went away to college for a semester and now that I'm back, they've been holding on tighter than ever. My parents aren't saved, so they also do not understand being led by God, and that has also been a challenge as of lately.
Which brings me to the fact that I'm going back to Ithaca in the fall; and trust me, I have never spent so much time and effort praying for direction in my entire life. And I'm not stopping. Jeremiah 29:11 has been my life verse this year. It's seriously so pertinent and relevant to my life. God has woken me up in the middle of the night to remind me of that verse countless times over the course of this year. And that is where my trust is going in all of this: God.
No one is too happy about it. It was actually really hard for me at first as well. And I'm sure going back there isn't going to be easy for a lot of reasons. Actually, for a while, I kept feeling like God was confirming for me NOT to go back there. But when I started talking to my parents (I know they mean well and I'm thankful that they only want what's best for me but they have been making things so difficult for me lately) about all of it and applying to different places, the only options that ended up available to me are within like a 1 hour radius - which i know is not what God wants for me. Also, they don't have my major and I know for a fact that speech pathology is where I'm called to be as a career. That's another story though…but ultimately I need to get out, I need to move on, and I need to start seeking God's direction for my life in a new way. I'm not sure how long I'm going to be staying at Ithaca...maybe for a semester, maybe for a year, maybe for the rest of my undergrad….But none of that needs to be decided right now. I'm trusting in God for that as well.
As of right now, my current plan (which this could definitely change) is to either finish up my undergrad at Ithaca or go back to Ithaca for a year and then transfer to New Paltz (this all depends on a lot of different factors) ...and then do grad school for 2 years in the city. Maybe do an internship with Hillsong NYC or one of the churches in the area. I'd love to go to bible school when all is finished but I know my parents would be really upset if I skipped out on getting a degree that would make me money and just went to bible school right now. Also, like I said, I'm supposed to be a speech pathologist.
It is really, truly amazing how God works, and I'm learning that more and more everyday. This year has certainly not been easy for me in the least bit, but looking back on it, I have actually been very blessed in a lot of different ways.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Joy follows a heart that is obedient to God's will even during the most difficult times.
How am I supposed to vent about the way I'm feeling right now via my Blackberry? There is no way that it is humanly possible for my thumbs to type that fast.
All I want to do is cry and stuff my face with peanut butter patty girl scout cookies.
#sobfest
All I want to do is cry and stuff my face with peanut butter patty girl scout cookies.
#sobfest
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Beauty.
I'm sure you have all had your fair share of the "Most beautiful teen contest" blowing up your newsfeed on Facebook like I have recently experienced this evening. I have to admit, I was rather curious at first - mainly because I thought it was comical and actually quite pathetic. But as I gave it a closer look, and began scrolling through the posts, I noticed a common theme of young girls around the middle school age and a plethora of negatively worded, downright rude comments. In my opinion, this contest is not only pathetic, but it's just another excuse for people to get picked on. It's a window of opportunity for online bullying and sending people's insecurity levels through the roof. Some of the comments I saw were just horrendous. Actually, I don't think I even saw ONE COMPLIMENT that wasn't either sexually degrading or sarcastic. And like I previously said, the age group for most of the contestants is the prime age for insecurity and feelings of self consciousness, especially in young girls. The pressures for a young girl to fit in at school are tough enough without a contest to follow you home and onto your computer where there really is no escape. Not to mention how warped the media is about what society's view of "beauty" actually is. Magazine covers, cosmetic commercials, television programs, etc. are filled with endless images of frail, skeletal, undernourished women to depict our society's version of "beauty." When has it ever been okay to call someone out for being different? Never. Yet, it happens everyday. There is something truly wrong with the image society projects out to children and to the rest of the world, but these flawed judgments have somehow managed to deem their way acceptable in many forms. In more realistic terms, beauty has a significant amount to do with character. In reality, you are beautiful. Each and every single one of you. Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. You deserve to be respected and you deserve to be loved. We all have things we can pick on ourselves about, that we would do anything to change. ”My thighs are huge” or “My hair is too frizzy.” But for every negative thing you think about yourself, you can easily match with something positive. Everybody has something unique about them that makes them special. You are all special. And sooner or later, you will realize that you are the so very blessed, because you are YOU. And that is the only person you should ever want to be. Embrace who you are. Be grateful for what you have. Don’t waste time running from who you are and pretending to be someone that you’re not. Focus on becoming the person you want to be and living the life you have always dreamed of having. You all have equal potential to become somebody great. You already are the most fantastic person in the world. Don’t allow any of the negative confessions from the world around you to bring you down. It isn't worth it.
In Genesis 1:27 it says,
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
We were created in God's image; a God who is glorious, beautiful, amazing, and perfect. God created us to be just like him. And although not one of us is (or ever will be) worthy of being compared to a God that is so eternally wonderful, who are we to devalue one of His creations? 1 Timothy 4:4 says,
"Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks."
So where do we get the audacity to insult one of God's creations that HE says is GOOD. Now, you might think that "good" is a pretty self-explanitory word. However, we have come to drastically devalue it's worth in our daily lives as we just seem to throw it around lightly. Think about it: It's Friday night and you just got home from school so you don't really feel like talking to your parents because you just want to get your homework done so that you can go to the movies with your friends tonight - whatever, but they ask you how your day was. Like I said, you just want to get the question out of the way so you give them an emotionless response: "Good." However, that's not how God meant it in this scripture. Actually, Paul was speaking, but he was only saying what God was instructing him to say to Timothy. The word "good" in God's eyes means "morally excellent; virtuous; pious" and "of a favorable character or tendency". See, God thinks highly of us. And even further than that, God loves us. He loves you, he loves me, and he even loves the prostitute on the corner and the drug addict on the street. There is not one person who is too far from God's love, because really, it's RIGHT THERE. GOD Himself is right there next to you, waiting with open arms for you to come to Him and accept his love and mercy with open arms and an open heart. Let me say this again: God is merciful, God is loving, and God is just. So if we are made in His image, He expects us to act the same way. Kind, and without judgment. Now, nobody is perfect, but with God's unfailing mercy and unending grace, He takes us on the path to righteousness, holding our hand and guiding us along the way.
In the end, it is up to us to change they way we look at the world and the people in it. We live in a beautiful world filled with too many lost people, looking in all of the wrong places. We should not judge a person based upon what they look like, or even what they may smell like, because hiding underneath of each and every person out there, is the potential to make a world of difference in our generation with the guidance and assistance of our amazing God.
In Genesis 1:27 it says,
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
We were created in God's image; a God who is glorious, beautiful, amazing, and perfect. God created us to be just like him. And although not one of us is (or ever will be) worthy of being compared to a God that is so eternally wonderful, who are we to devalue one of His creations? 1 Timothy 4:4 says,
"Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks."
So where do we get the audacity to insult one of God's creations that HE says is GOOD. Now, you might think that "good" is a pretty self-explanitory word. However, we have come to drastically devalue it's worth in our daily lives as we just seem to throw it around lightly. Think about it: It's Friday night and you just got home from school so you don't really feel like talking to your parents because you just want to get your homework done so that you can go to the movies with your friends tonight - whatever, but they ask you how your day was. Like I said, you just want to get the question out of the way so you give them an emotionless response: "Good." However, that's not how God meant it in this scripture. Actually, Paul was speaking, but he was only saying what God was instructing him to say to Timothy. The word "good" in God's eyes means "morally excellent; virtuous; pious" and "of a favorable character or tendency". See, God thinks highly of us. And even further than that, God loves us. He loves you, he loves me, and he even loves the prostitute on the corner and the drug addict on the street. There is not one person who is too far from God's love, because really, it's RIGHT THERE. GOD Himself is right there next to you, waiting with open arms for you to come to Him and accept his love and mercy with open arms and an open heart. Let me say this again: God is merciful, God is loving, and God is just. So if we are made in His image, He expects us to act the same way. Kind, and without judgment. Now, nobody is perfect, but with God's unfailing mercy and unending grace, He takes us on the path to righteousness, holding our hand and guiding us along the way.
In the end, it is up to us to change they way we look at the world and the people in it. We live in a beautiful world filled with too many lost people, looking in all of the wrong places. We should not judge a person based upon what they look like, or even what they may smell like, because hiding underneath of each and every person out there, is the potential to make a world of difference in our generation with the guidance and assistance of our amazing God.
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