Ithaca testimony

First of all, let me just give you a little bit of background. The reason I originally left IC was because the spirit of that place was so heavy. I thought it was just me until Andrew brought me back after weekend visit home and said he felt it too. Over this past year, I have been acquiring a unique spirit of discernment and learning how to deal with it and the best way to go about it. So the spirit I was feeling at Ithaca last semester was draining me by just being there on that campus. Long story short, I felt like God was calling me home to get as involved in my church as I possibly could, and regain my strength in Him with my church family alongside me, encouraging me the whole way.


HOWEVER, I can't even begin to describe how difficult this semester has been for me. Emotionally, spiritually, relationally, etc. I have been facing so many challenges in every aspect. I knew from the beginning that I wasn't planning on staying at UC, which is where I am now, but I just wanted to get out of Ithaca and I was willing to take every opportunity I could to make that possible. But UC does not have my major and the second I stepped on that campus for orientation, I didn't feel like I fit in. I've tried to make friends, and sure I have acquaintances and people I can talk to in class, but I still just do not fit in - even to this day. This is a rare thing for me to accept considering I was voted "everybody's buddy" for senior superlatives in high school and it was so easy for me to make friends in Ithaca. But here, there is a wall blocking me from feeling as comfortable as I should be able to feel.


Not only do I feel out of place at UC, but at church as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my church and my church family and I wouldn't trade them for anything. But I don't even feel like I fit in there anymore. I used to have so much responsibility there, I was a youth leader, I did so much for everyone. But this past semester i have had to work my butt off to even find out where there is a need that needs to be met, despite my willingness to get involved in any way. It is definitely a struggle. Even more so, my relationship with every single person in my church has changed. I am not as close with my pastors, nor any of my friends. At first i thought everyone had changed, but I think it was actually me. And not in a bad way.


Being at Ithaca, as draining as it was for me, was also a beneficial time for me spiritually. Being away from my church family taught me to solely depend on God for everything as well as to be more careful with things that I allow into my heart and my spirit. I learned to feel God's presence, as well as negative spirits in a whole new way. I think that's also where I learned to become so discerning. As my faith grew, so did my dependence on God...and my acceptance for secular activities such as watching certain TV shows and listening to certain types of music that maybe other people find okay declined. There are times now where I'll be listening to Manafest or Unhindered or some worship band and honestly get PICKED on by people IN MY YOUTH GROUP as they sit there and listen to Kanye West and Jamie Foxx. (Good sound, bad message.) It's also hard to go off to college and then come back to a bunch of people who never left. You start to notice a lot of things that you didn't see before. (I am basically the only person in my church who went away to college and came back. Everyone else either left and lost touch with God, or just stayed home and never left for college at all. So I am the only exception that nobody has gotten used to yet.)


It's not that I'm no longer a part of my church and I'm not friends with anyone there anymore, because I definitely am. I'm still a leader, I still help out whenever I can, and I'm going to a conference that only the youth leaders have been invited to in April. I still appreciate all of them and am very, VERY thankful for my church and my pastors and everyone else that is there. But I also think that God called me home to get involved with the church to REDIRECT me to a new place. A new path. Maybe it's because God knows that if Andrew and I get married I will most likely move away so He's preparing me for that ahead of time since I have always been so set on staying in this area forever and always being a part of Life Church. But Andrew's family has been called to ministry AS A FAMILY so maybe I'll end up a part of that as well. Last semester, God spoke to me at a conference about being called to ministry. Last week, this was confirmed.  I still don't know what aspect, but I'm positive I'm called to some aspect of ministry and perhaps that is why God is redirecting me. Or maybe it's something completely aside from all of this. Who knows? God does. But I think that's also why my family and I have been on such awkward terms lately as well. My parents give me less freedom than they did when I was in high school. I went away to college for a semester and now that I'm back, they've been holding on tighter than ever. My parents aren't saved, so they also do not understand being led by God, and that has also been a challenge as of lately.


Which brings me to the fact that I'm going back to Ithaca in the fall; and trust me, I have never spent so much time and effort praying for direction in my entire life. And I'm not stopping. Jeremiah 29:11 has been my life verse this year. It's seriously so pertinent and relevant to my life. God has woken me up in the middle of the night to remind me of that verse countless times over the course of this year. And that is where my trust is going in all of this: God.


No one is too happy about it. It was actually really hard for me at first as well. And I'm sure going back there isn't going to be easy for a lot of reasons. Actually, for a while, I kept feeling like God was confirming for me NOT to go back there. But when I started talking to my parents (I know they mean well and I'm thankful that they only want what's best for me but they have been making things so difficult for me lately) about all of it and applying to different places, the only options that ended up available to me are within like a 1 hour radius - which i know is not what God wants for me. Also, they don't have my major and I know for a fact that speech pathology is where I'm called to be as a career. That's another story though…but ultimately I need to get out, I need to move on, and I need to start seeking God's direction for my life in a new way. I'm not sure how long I'm going to be staying at Ithaca...maybe for a semester, maybe for a year, maybe for the rest of my undergrad….But none of that needs to be decided right now. I'm trusting in God for that as well.


As of right now, my current plan (which this could definitely change) is to either finish up my undergrad at Ithaca or go back to Ithaca for a year and then transfer to New Paltz (this all depends on a lot of different factors) ...and then do grad school for 2 years in the city. Maybe do an internship with Hillsong NYC or one of the churches in the area. I'd love to go to bible school when all is finished but I know my parents would be really upset if I skipped out on getting a degree that would make me money and just went to bible school right now. Also, like I said, I'm supposed to be a speech pathologist.


It is really, truly amazing how God works, and I'm learning that more and more everyday. This year has certainly not been easy for me in the least bit, but looking back on it, I have actually been very blessed in a lot of different ways.