& there will be even brighter days ahead.

Right from the very start, this place has been such a blessing to me. Challenging? Yes, but rewarding none the less. My God, when He promises something, He keeps that promise and fulfills it with an overflow of His unending grace and mercy. "At the same time that the dusk is gone, the dawn will come. It is a new day for you."

Through the tears and the struggle with homesickness during the first couple of days, I still managed to experience divine appointments within only my first few hours on campus. Meeting Erica in IT was definitely one of them. I had been worrying about visiting a new church for the first time all by myself, but no worries. Five (+) people have asked ME if they could come to church with me sometime. What a testimony. Also, more times than one, God has woken me up to pray and seek Him and I just know all the potential I have here is through Him. Once I figured that out, I was set. I feel so much peace being here, so much peace.

Tonight, I joined a group called "Girls 4 God." It was started by a communication major, who has a real issue with the way media identifies women, and a big heart to get across the falsity of that. The mission of the group is to be a safe haven for any girl who has ever felt insecure, and to spread the love and truth of Christ through various encouraging projects. Our first project? We are going to write encouraging little notes and messages in all of the girls bathrooms on campus. On post its, mirrors, etc. Eventually, its' going to branch out and become noticeable not just in bathrooms, but everywhere. We are going to change St Rose and the inevitable insecurity that the media sends off to girls all over campus.

Would you rather...

Would you rather be packing for college or drool all over the place the next time you're in public?


I totally hate packing, I'm sick of it. So bring on the DROOL!!!

Summer Vacation.

The first day: I took what seemed to be the longest train trip in the entire world. We kept stopping for no reason, but I finished reading the Hunger Games, and I just love travelling. When I got there, my boyfriend and his parents greeted me at the train station with hugs and food. The best things. We played Apples to Apples at the youth group party and after we cleaned up, there was still music playing so Andrew and I danced in the church basement, and then stargazed and talked in the grass in the backyard. Then we all got coffee and went back to their house to watch Batman.

The second day: We went to a minor league baseball game where my boyfriend's little brother and each kid on his team got to walk out and be introduced with the player that played their position. I went in a bouncy castle obstacle course and a slide with Jason and Lianna, and stuffed my face with cheese fries. Yum.

The third day: Lots and lots of vacation prep. Then our girls day consisted of: manis and pedis, and black raspberry icecream with strawberry and pineapple topping for me. The evening was topped off with a massive thunderstorm.

The 4th day: We got a late start on the drive to Jersey. My boyfriend's car doesn’t have AC, and it was 101 degrees, so that was quite an adventure in itself. We didn’t get to Six Flags till about 5PM but because of the storm the night before there weren't any lines. We were able to do absolutely everything we wanted to do before the park closed. I finally went on King Da Ka, but El Toro was my favorite. We had pizza for dinner and stayed at a wicked fancy hotel for the night.

That weekend: After checking out of the hotel we drove to Ocean City, MD. There was a ton of traffic that added extra time onto our drive. The first night in OC we spent swimming, getting caught in the rain, singing "What Makes You Beautiful" in Apple Bee's, and falling asleep watching the Olympics.

Then on Sunday was Carissa’s birthday. We basically spent the entire day at the beach, in the ocean (me getting pumbled by waves), and discovering the most delicious pretzels in the entire world. We went to a really fancy place for dinner that night and sat outside on the patio by the ocean, watching the sunset. Then we spent the rest of the night walking along the boardwalk and going through all the different shops.

Monday we spent the day in the pool, eating stuffed pretzels, and being awed on our double date at the Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum. For our date night, Andrew and I went to Fager’s Island: the best restaurant I have ever been to, which really shouldn’t have worked out as well as it did. Basically, when Andrew tried to call and set up reservations the night before, they told us that the type of dining we were looking for was not available to be reserved – so it was basically just go and hope you can find a table. So we get there, not as early as we had hoped, and there wasn't ANY available parking spaces. We had to wait in a huge line of cars just to get into the parkinglot, but fortunately when we drove around the lot for a little bit, a car pulled out of a parking space right in front of us that we were able to snag. Then we went inside and the hostess told us to find a table. The back deck was packed. A lady that worked there saw us standing around looking lost, and spotted another couple that had just left. She hurried up and cleaned the table and we ended up with one of the best views of the sunset. We sat on the corner of the deck, facing the bay and the dock and the gazebo and the sunset. AMAZING. There was music blasting and they set off streamers into the ocean at the end of one of the songs – it was lovely. The deck was decorated with strings of lanterns. We had such a nice time. After our dinner, we walked along a bridge to see the view and we were surrounded by the bay/ocean and partly lit hotels. Then we went to the fair and walked the boardwalk for a while.

Tuesday we spent the morning on the boardwalk, eating more pretzels, and the afternoon boogie boarding in the ocean/laying on the beach again. We went to Crab Alley for dinner, watched the Olympics, and there were fireworks over the marina from the beach. Then we went back over to the boardwalk for our last night there. Bittersweet.

Wednesday began summer fest. We drove from Ocean City to Elkton, had breakfast at a nice café, got stuck in a storm at Starbucks, and stopped at Chick Fil A for the appreciation day. It was my first time there and there was literally no space left to move – it was amazing. Jabin Chavez spoke that night about being on God’s mind, and how Jesus was alone when he preached/taught, so that when we feel alone in the natural it’s just a moment of redirection where we have to pick up our cross and stand alone with God. He said “Choosing a season alone will lead to a lifetime with Jesus.” This message really spoke to my heart and the way I’ve been feeling since I came home from Ithaca. After service, we went into the cafeteria for desserts and then back to our rooms for curfew at midnight. I stayed with Jenel, Sam and Carissa so we basically just spent the whole night awake and talking – filling each other in on the important parts of our lives that we had yet to talk about. It was good for some real girl bonding time. For some reason though, I remember this night the least.

For whatever reason I was the most amped for the morning services this year. Something about getting up early to praise God brings me joy. Joey was on camera crew video taping the worship services all weekend and he said he got a good close up of me praying and crying out to God. I was praying so much Thursday morning, about every little thing I could think of. God’s presence was so captivating that I started laughing hysterically, and I just couldn’t stop. I just had the biggest dumb grin on my face, glorifying our amazing God. Jabin Chavez spoke again that morning and this time he gave us 5 points to keeping our destiny: Make the bible a priority, pray, stay passionate, marry the right person, and forgiveness. I really like Jabin. He’s a good mix of funny and sticking to the point during his sermons. He never goes too far off topic with his jokes but he keeps everyone, especially the youth, paying attention. Those are qualities of a great youth pastor. That afternoon we spent playing volleyball. I hadn’t played in years so it was a lot of fun. Thursday night Dr. Jay LaRue preached and he is so passionate and knowledgeable of the word that I barely have any notes. I was too focused on what he was saying. He paints a very detailed picture of the scriptures he uses when he preaches, and has a style sort of like slam poetry with his hand motions, movements and the way he presents himself and speaks. It was kind of difficult to follow at first, but amazing once I caught on. 

Friday was basically the same thing: morning service, volleyball, night service. Dr Jay preached during both services which made me really happy because I decided he’s my favorite preacher I’ve ever heard at a conference. He’s older which generally means he contains more wisdom – but the passion he exhibits for God through his messages is just incredibly liberating. He preached on John 4:10-14 and John 7:37 and the rivers of life flowing through our bellies. That night, Jay LaRue preached again and it was the most powerful service yet. When we went back to our seats after worship, we never actually stopped worshipping… on our faces, in our seats, and nearly everyone’s arms were raised. Then Dr. Jay had an alter call for people wanting more Jesus and everyone ran to the front of the church. We were all kneeling down and praying and worshipping and Dr. Jay started preaching with all of us there sitting up front on the floor right under his feet. It made things a lot more personal, I think. Then he had all of the people who were above the age of 20 stand up in a circle around the rest of us, and told them to pray over us. Then he started prophesying again, and he prophesied over me this time.

4th of July traditions...

Dragon reindeer flies slucking blood, Christian brothers "juice" and twins ...

Family, friends, and family friends...

Swimming, seaweed, scrapes and fat pink and purple noodles....

Summer sun, not enough seats, pushing each other off the dock and stealing towels...

Gammy's fudge, pulled pork and WONTONS!!!...

Party boats, live bands, I'm Sexy and I Know It....

Sunsets on the boat in the middle of the lake, fireworks, big bright orange moon...

Embarrassingly loud patriotic music...

Too. MUCH. Food.


Happy 4th!!!

Today was just the perfect summer day.

I love people, I love being surrounded by them. People of different colors, people from different backgrounds, people of all ages.. But I especially love being surrounded by my family.

Loud households filled with laughter make my heart happy. Andrew's loving family welcomes me with open arms each time my name is even brought up into conversation. But today, I wasn't with Andrew's family. Instead, I was surrounded by my own family: 7 more people than normal.

My aunt, uncle and three younger cousins are staying with us for the weekend. Preparing for them is time consuming, but well worth it once they arrive. Yesterday my mom and I spent the entire day baking and cooking an assortment of different foods to please a variety of vegetarians, meat lovers and those of us with one big sweet tooth; while my dad spent the evening making sure all of our pool accessories were filled up with air.

My mom's brother and his family arrived this afternoon. After an unsuccessful trip to the bank and a successful trip to Walmart, I was ready to spend the next few hours swimming and playing games in the pool with my cousins. Leah and I had a blast, soaking up the sun... And the water.

By this time, my grandparents had also arrived. Dinner tonight consisted of an elaborate BBQ: cheeseburgers, hotdogs, veggie burgers, hot sausage, macaroni and cheese, corn on the cob, salad, and let's not forget our homemade hot fudge brownie sundaes for dessert. Somewhere in the midst p all of that Leah and I even manages to fit in a makeover, some piano playing, and a few intense games of Just Dance.

After dinner consisted of some quality conversation with my grandma, and a little stroll down our country roads at sunset with my aunt and two of my cousins, a quick stop at the barn, and the discovery of a beautiful Monarch butterfly laying steadily in the grass.

When we came back home, we attempted to watch Inception but about 30 minutes into it agreed that we were all too tired to stay awake any longer.

So here I am, in bed, reflecting on this perfect summer day, and missing my man.. Wishing he could have joined in on all of this summer loving and family time.

Someday!

Divine occasions with The College of Saint Rose

I am so thankful that my God has such a great plan for my life, and this is truly just the beginning.

1) First off, before visiting the campus, I had a dream that I was enrolled in Saint Rose and loving it. However, a couple of classes required bus transportation about 10 minutes away from the campus. I didn't know it at the time, but it turns out that St Rose offers photography and other select courses about 10 minutes away from the campus. Seemingly insignificant, yet still divine.
2) As I was talking to the transfer advisor, Dan, during my visit, he noted that they had never received my transcript from UC. That means St Rose put together a few other things in order to get me into their school. For some reason, they wanted me there, and they made it happen.
3) When I was finally told that St Rose never received my transcript from UC, they requested that it be sent out immediately in order to award me scholarships, etc. I was away for the weekend, so my mom had to go to the college and pick my transcript up for me. As stated in other posts, it was difficult for me to connect with the majority of the people while I was there. Out of God's grace, the girl working the desk at the time happened to know who I was and granted my mom permission to sign a form without me being present.
4) I was awarded the second highest transfer scholarship available. :D

Miracles.

Everything is coming together so perfectly. Thank you, God. I will continue to trust in you for the rest to fall into place exactly where it belongs.

A change in plans and a full-fledged dependence on God.

This isn't easy for me to say. There is just so much. If only I could find the words... and if only I knew how to listen to God the first time around, things would be so much less difficult. But it is by His grace and deliverance that I have even made it this far, and I am more than grateful. This past year has been filled with brokenness, hurt, suffering, confusion, heaviness and a disconnection; all which eventually led me to a period of growth, transition, further maturity in faith, learning how to solely depend and trust in God, and a deep spirit of discernment. My testimony is so great and so overwhelming all at the same time.


As you know, the reason I originally left Ithaca was because the spirit there was so heavy. Granted, I had other things weighing down on me as well, but mainly the evil spirit on that campus was so overbearing that I could barely function as myself. I spent a lot of energy bogged down instead of being excited about new opportunities like I should have been feeling. I was unable to trust my judgment and decision making, and I cried all the time. The atmosphere was the color of gray. Witnessing false prophesy, false teaching, unique attacks from Satan, and more sin than I had ever seen in my life... I didn't think I was ready to take on that challenge. Yes, I did grow immensely while I was in Ithaca for that one semester. But the way I was feeling while I was there was a tough road to tread through. For a while I thought I was insane, because no one else understood exactly what I was feeling. But when Andrew brought me back to school that one night in December, he felt it too. I just found out like a week ago that he came home and told his parents he didn't like being there because of how dull and heavy it felt. But I'm getting ahead of myself.


The crazy thing is, when I came home I missed Ithaca so much. At times, I was happy to not be going back, but other times, all I wanted was to go back. I forgot all about the heaviness, and the nearly depressed feeling I had while I was there. I thought God was calling me home to consume my life into my church, but things were so different at home, and in my church that I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I no longer fit in, and I felt so disconnected and out of place that it was almost unbearable. I spent a lot of time crying at home too. So I basically just got to the point where I just wanted to get away and there was a part of me that wanted to go back to Ithaca. At a bit of a low, I missed the friends I had made there, and although I know coming home turned out to be exactly what I needed, I wanted to get out of here. But during the beginning of my decision process of potentially going back to Ithaca, I received a phone call from Lisa. She told me that she doesn't normally involve herself in another person's decision making (I know first hand that this is normally true) but she felt too strongly about what God had just shown her and couldn't resist. She had been praying about me for Ithaca, when God let her experience the heaviness that was over that place as well. She said it was unlike anything she had ever felt, and unlike anything she wanted to ever experience again. God also showed her in Exodus 13 when He didn't lead the people through the quickest way to the Promise Land because He knew that once they were faced with battle, they would most likely change their minds and return to Egypt. Best part is, God had told me to start reading Exodus about a week prior to this conversation. There it was, my first word of confirmation.


 I knew from the beginning that I wasn't planning on staying at Utica College either, but I just wanted to get out of Ithaca and I was willing to take every opportunity I could to make that possible. But UC did not have my major and the second i stepped on campus, I didn't feel like I fit in at all. I tried to make friends, and sure I had acquaintances and I would talk to different people in class, but I could not manage to fit in. There was a wall blocking me from feeling as comfortable as i should have been able to feel there. I realize now that wall was God... "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." (John 15:19). Recently, I even received a word from three different people at two separate times that confirmed that this is going to be how my college life will be. I had different expectations, wanting to be "everybody's buddy" like I was in highschool. But college is more realistic in that it is of the world, and I needed to rid myself of the mindset of necessarily "fitting in" and find my niche in people that could encourage me and stand by me in faith.


Coming home for the semester was just the right amount of time for me to realize that I am more ready to be on my own than I thought, and it also gave me some time to hear from God and learn that my original goals for my life were not the same as His goals for my life. I was blessed with the amazing opportunity to shadow a speech pathologist at one point, in an elementary school setting, and it was such an uplifting and inspiring day filled with smiles. It also offered me the motivation I am going to need to strive through all the hardships in order to reach my end goal. That is something that is officially set in stone for me, that I was previously unsure of, which is a wonderful feeling. Aside from that though, I used to see myself living in my hometown/area forever. Never leaving other than to travel for little vacations here and there, always being surrounded by the very same people. Coming home and taking classes more locally this semester allowed some space for God to place a fresh desire in my heart. Exploration. Opportunities. New places. The city. I have spent so much time traveling and getting to know the will of God for my life in different places. Searching for comfort in Him as well as familiarity and a sense of belonging in newly formed relationships, locations and states of mind - and boy, that is such a blessing!! Jeremiah 29:11 has been so encouraging to me this past year. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.." God woke me up countless times in the middle of the night to remind me of this verse.


Knowing that I wasn't going to stay at UC for any length of time, I began my college search once again. I researched, visited and applied to so many different schools. Doors would seem to open just a crack and I would dive in, and either end up disappointed or way too stressed out. My parents had restrictions and limits, which although understandable, seemed to make things more difficult at the time. Even after being accepted to some schools, my peace was not restored. I turned down a few acceptances before making the decision to get everything settled back into IC. One campus tour caused a little chaos between me and my family. I was so excited about attending this college at first, and so was my boyfriend. But before he even made his decision not to go, I had heard from God that it wasn't a good place for me either. That was hard. During this time, Matthew 6:33 kept showing up everywhere. "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." At first, I had a slightly warped idea of what this scripture was intended to mean to me, but now I see where God was headed with it.


A bit more recently, some people began helping me look into some more options for other schools. Although I was pretty burnt out and ready to just head back to Ithaca, I didn't feel right about it. (When God speaks to me when I don't seem to really want to listen, He digs into my gut and makes me kind of nauseas.) Whenever I thought about sitting in that Terrace Dining Hall once again, it made me feel very uneasy. I was not content with going back to Ithaca, I just had myself convinced that I was. Then I realized that a girl I know happens to actually attend St. Rose. I was originally just looking forward to getting to talk to her about the school a bit because I knew she was a Christian and it would be nice getting some information from an on campus Christian's point of view, but then I realized that she transferred there, in the same major as me, as a sophomore as well. Our situations were so incredibly similar, and our conversation about the school skyrocketed. I had so many questions. I'm not letting anything go unanswered this time. No beating around the bush. At first, I have to admit I wasn't too excited about the idea. I had originally heard some mixed things about the campus so I made a point to get in contact with as many people as I could to drill them about the school, the city, the atmosphere, etc. All of the answers I received, the reviews I read, and the information I found on the site continued to make me happy and have, so far, seemed to fit my description of the "perfect school."


I asked one of my pastors to pray with me about decision making a couple of weeks ago. He spent a good 45 minutes praying with me and then encouraging me about how to make the right choice. He helped guide me in the sense of what types of things I need to factor in, etc. He asked God to send me prophetic words from outsiders to confirm my decision making so that I would be positive of it this time. He talked about how to feel God's peace. I was really thankful for that conversation.


Even before that, random people in my church were coming up to me and basically telling me not to go back to Ithaca - but in lesser words. Over the past couple of weeks, my decision has become more and more prominent and clear to me. I have received multiple words of confirmation. One night, Lisa told me that God told her that He does not want me back in Ithaca. Just like that. Super straight forward. You'd think this would be enough, but I'm stubborn. I wanted to hear from God, 100% for myself. (He had been speaking to me many times before this, obviously, but I was waiting for a more clear-cut, in your face type response.) One morning, while I was waiting for Carissa to wake up, I was sitting on the floor on my little blow up mattress and reading my bible. I asked God to show me scriptures that would lead me to make the right decision. Then, I kept asking for more scripture. They all turned out to be along the exact same lines, and basically God told me that I will be heading for destruction and times of turmoil if I return to Ithaca. That Sunday, I went to church with my boyfriend and his family. I have met many of the people there many times, but none of them know anything about my situation. Conveniently, before service began, they had an alter call for anyone in search of direction. I went up to the alter for prayer, and when Pastor Jack and Marilyn prayed over me, they both said that the right decision may not be exactly what I want, and that there are is something I keep trying to add into the equation that shouldn't be there. I went back to my seat powerless and recharged.


Since then, more and more things have seemed to make sense for me to go to Saint Rose. I'm really looking forward to visiting the campus on Friday. I will write again after that.

Days in, days out.

Went to the mall today. We have a new Forever 21, two floors and overwhelmingly large. Walking in, my heart was pounding and I had a big dumb grin on my face. "Like a kid in a candy shop," or at Disney World for the first time. Other than that, though, I spent a whole bunch of money that I don't have. I need a job. Check out my plans for the next three days:

Tomorrow: Visiting my grandparents, then stopping by Planet Fitness to beg them for a job. Praying they hire seasonally..

Wednesday: Hair appt (FINALLY!!!), applying to the Windgate Hotel, Life Campus...

Thursday: Applying to Stewart's!!!

#Summerjobsareapaininthebutt
#Isweartheydontactuallyexist

Decisions and unknown distances

Not knowing where I'm going to end up next year is quite frankly the biggest stressor imaginable.

Wait a minute, I have less than three months to make a decision.

Sent in an application for The College of Saint Rose this afternoon. It's smack dab in the middle of my all the people and places I love and cherish most: my family, my church, and my boyfriend. Other than that though, I literally don't know one measly thing about the school, which generally it isn't a smart idea to make a decision based upon a big fat nothing. Then again, "wing it" seems to be my middle name these days.

I've spent the rest of the day messaging different types of people on Facebook that I know attend St. Rose and asking them their opinions on the school. So far, each one of them has had nothing but good things to say about it. I'd say that's a good sign!

Even better yet, Christina was in the same boat as me at the beginning of this year: A young Christian girl transferring into the Communication Science and Disorders major as a sophomore. She said transferring to St. Rose was one of the best decisions she's ever made.

Can I maybe say "Decision" one more time?

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

Awakening Conference 2012

Took a trip to #Rhode Island about 2 weekends ago with a few of the other #leaders in my youth group for a #conference. It really was a great #God weekend. Here are some photos:

Over the entire course of our road trip, we watched 5 and a half Disney movies:

Lion King, Aristocrats, The Incredibles, Tangled, Aladdin, Toy Story 2

First night service! Thursday night #worship

"There's no other name like the name of #Jesus!"

First night service, one of my favorite preachers ever: #Rich Wilkerson Jr.

Amazing dinner @ #Chili's - So good we went there twice!

That awkward moment when you're at Chili's & they accidentally sing

"Happy Birthday" to someone at your table.. But at least you get free icecream. #YOLO

Friday morning worship: #Ascend the Hill

Waiting for #Lecrae w/ my amazing #boyfriend Andrew! <3

Lecrae

#Awakening

Another great preacher: #Chad Veach

#Pray for his baby girl, Gigi, who is currently suffering from a deadly disorder.

Walking over to the mall in #Providence

Saturday morning, waiting for the leaders meeting to begin..

#Frank Damazio is the man, for real. All the way from my best friend's church in Portland, Oregon!

Rainy days are perfect for drinking tea and snuggling up in bed with a good book.

So I picked up my bible. Immediately God gave me a scripture to share with my friend Kim. He has been using me a lot lately for things like that. But, that's not what I wanted to share.

I am so thankful for convictions that make me do a heart check. Where is my heart at? What are my treasures?

I haven't been feeling 100% myself over the past few weeks, and I hate complaining and making bad confessions but I have been constantly dizzy and nauseas everyday. For this fact, my boyfriend's mom has had it on her heart to pray for me. She knows that when I worry, I tend to get myself all worked up and sick over it. But on the other hand, God also tends to speak to me in such deep manners that it often gives me an uneasy feeling in my stomach. So Lisa came in the room last night when Andrew and I were skyping, and she was advising me not to worry about anything, because God is in control of everything. I didn't even realize I was worried until I opened up my bible and read Matthew 6:25-27 (NLT):

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?"

Then it all hit me at once, the worries that I have tangled up inside of me. Here is a list:

1) Transition period --> Am I where I'm supposed to be right now? Where will I be next year, and the following years? What does my future hold?
2) School --> Current grades, applications, where I'm going to be college-wise in the Fall
3) Summer jobs --> God is telling me not to go back to the cinema this summer, so my desire is to work at the summer recreation program in my village but that is a really difficult job to get, and in the meantime I am broke.

But you know what? God grabbed ahold of my heart tonight. He told me that if I seek His kingdom above all other things, living righteously, He will give me everything that I need (Matthew 6:33). After reading these scriptures, I have gained a refreshed trust in my God, becoming fully aware that He has everything in His hands.

And I will go back to my all-time favorite scripture:
Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

This is war, so walk like the Romans.

I'm taking a class this semester called "Rome in the Early Christian Era" and when I was studying for our oral quiz the other day, I noticed some interesting things about the Romans that reminded me of some of the things that have been preached during the "This Is War" series we have been doing at Life Campus over the past couple of weeks. Although the Roman empire was very corrupt, they had some very strong ideals that could set a bar for present day Christianity.

For example, the main difference between the Greek and Roman view of the world was that Greeks viewed it as a city-state while Romans were left with the false optimism that every man could enjoy citizenship privileges. Unfortunately, however, the "good-life" was not available to just anyone during this time. In the eyes of the Romans, one's virtue could be cultivated anywhere, at any time. They didn't see their public and private roles as necessarily conflicting with one another. The height of a person’s wisdom was to know their duty and then to actually do it – not to pursue self-interest. And although their version of this statement was highly distorted, and coming from a completely different angle, it left an impact on me as a Christ follower. As Christians, God calls us to seek His wisdom, put it into action, and use it to pursue His will for our lives. It is not MY will, but YOUR WILL be done, Lord.


Furthermore, the Greeks viewed the world as chaotic and the people in it as barbaric. Undoubtedly, we are living in a corrupt, perverted, and warped society; and at the same time, facing an even bigger, uglier enemy that goes by the name of Satan. In Genesis 4:7 it says "Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master." Did you hear that? Sin is CROUCHING! Do you know what that means? It is getting ready to POUNCE. Romans believed in the possibility to bring order to the chaos, exuding confidence and courage in the face of the unknown, translating this thought into action. And that is exactly what God has called us to do!! Through God's mighty power and shield of protection, we are able to overcome our biggest adversary. We are able to conquer it, defeat it, and take full AUTHORITY over Satan.


Ephesians 6:10-17
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.


Notice how that scripture never says anything about any armor or protection for our backs... That's because we aren't running away from the devil, we are facing him, and stopping him right there in his tracks.

We need to

Face. Our. Enemy!

Shenanigans in Oz

We started the day off right, with old school jam sessions in the car and donuts from Dunkin, leaving at 11AM on the dot: just as planned. The weather was beautiful, the wind was powerful, and $40 later, the gas tank was full.

An hour went by and we successfully arrived in the land of Oz without a care (or a GPS). First stop: Port City Cafe & Bakery for paninis and Snapple. This place was full of chalkboards, friendly faces and Kandinsky paintings. I had a "Presto Pesto" and a happy stomach. Then we met up with an old friend, much like a stranger to us now, at a cute little hippie shop next door: Midnight Sun. It was full of accessories, colors, room decor, clothes, and other little knick-knacks that consumed Kelsey and I from the second we walked in. Me, being the princess that I like to pretend I am, fell in love with a necklace with a carriage and one glass slipper dangling off the end of the gold chain. But what is Oswego without buying a headband? So that's exactly what I did.

Spontaneity and uncertainty led us to the fort, where we climbed trees and fireplace look-a-likes and took lots of photos by the lake. But walking around town in a dress in such a cool Spring breeze wasn't necessarily the wisest thing we could have done, so we ended up at John's house before too long, visiting with his mother and eating peanut butter cups.

Then, we took the Jedi (Star Wars) kite to the park and I flew a kite for the first time, documenting the entire experience. Swing sets, acrobats, slide races, and befriending an 8 year old asian boy on the playground was also present during this time.

Freezing, Kels and I ventured off to our favorite little coffee shop: The Coffee Connection. I had the Poet's Eye and a brownie, both too delicious for words.

Conquering the trenches of the breakwall, nearly making it to the lighthouse but not quite (out of fine wisdom), running, screaming, singing, jumping, and watching the sunset off of Lake Ontario was a beautiful end to a beautiful day.

Bruises and scrapes on my knee are a result, but a well worth it one.

#DTKF
#YEAHHH
#TotesCrayCray

#SpurOfTheMomentAccomplishments

Peace is not the absence of affliction, but the presence of God.

There are too many jumbled up thoughts about this in my head right now.
But to put it quite simply, I miss Ithaca.
Not only that, but I miss having a life.
Wait - let me rephrase that. Lately I've been learning how to word things more carefully, so that they are full of truth and so that there is no chance of them turning into a bad confession.

I miss LIVING my life.
Yes, obviously I'm still alive. Breathing, blinking, typing up this blog.
But this transition period is almost becoming too much to bear. Bears are powerful and strong - two things I lack by my own ability, but two things I am able to obtain through God's willingness to guide me through.

That is where my trust is lying, and He is who I am believing to receive direction from.

It's all about God's perfect timing, and the peace that comes alongside it.

I yearn for His direction and that peace of knowing that I am taking the proper next step.

Futuristic Ideals

Emailed them a few days ago asking about internships and giving them a bit of background on my life as of lately. Just received an email in return saying that if I end up in the area, they'd love to have me volunteer at their church!

#pumped

Your confidence and my peace in our forever GMH.

I love you. :)

Ithaca testimony

First of all, let me just give you a little bit of background. The reason I originally left IC was because the spirit of that place was so heavy. I thought it was just me until Andrew brought me back after weekend visit home and said he felt it too. Over this past year, I have been acquiring a unique spirit of discernment and learning how to deal with it and the best way to go about it. So the spirit I was feeling at Ithaca last semester was draining me by just being there on that campus. Long story short, I felt like God was calling me home to get as involved in my church as I possibly could, and regain my strength in Him with my church family alongside me, encouraging me the whole way.


HOWEVER, I can't even begin to describe how difficult this semester has been for me. Emotionally, spiritually, relationally, etc. I have been facing so many challenges in every aspect. I knew from the beginning that I wasn't planning on staying at UC, which is where I am now, but I just wanted to get out of Ithaca and I was willing to take every opportunity I could to make that possible. But UC does not have my major and the second I stepped on that campus for orientation, I didn't feel like I fit in. I've tried to make friends, and sure I have acquaintances and people I can talk to in class, but I still just do not fit in - even to this day. This is a rare thing for me to accept considering I was voted "everybody's buddy" for senior superlatives in high school and it was so easy for me to make friends in Ithaca. But here, there is a wall blocking me from feeling as comfortable as I should be able to feel.


Not only do I feel out of place at UC, but at church as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my church and my church family and I wouldn't trade them for anything. But I don't even feel like I fit in there anymore. I used to have so much responsibility there, I was a youth leader, I did so much for everyone. But this past semester i have had to work my butt off to even find out where there is a need that needs to be met, despite my willingness to get involved in any way. It is definitely a struggle. Even more so, my relationship with every single person in my church has changed. I am not as close with my pastors, nor any of my friends. At first i thought everyone had changed, but I think it was actually me. And not in a bad way.


Being at Ithaca, as draining as it was for me, was also a beneficial time for me spiritually. Being away from my church family taught me to solely depend on God for everything as well as to be more careful with things that I allow into my heart and my spirit. I learned to feel God's presence, as well as negative spirits in a whole new way. I think that's also where I learned to become so discerning. As my faith grew, so did my dependence on God...and my acceptance for secular activities such as watching certain TV shows and listening to certain types of music that maybe other people find okay declined. There are times now where I'll be listening to Manafest or Unhindered or some worship band and honestly get PICKED on by people IN MY YOUTH GROUP as they sit there and listen to Kanye West and Jamie Foxx. (Good sound, bad message.) It's also hard to go off to college and then come back to a bunch of people who never left. You start to notice a lot of things that you didn't see before. (I am basically the only person in my church who went away to college and came back. Everyone else either left and lost touch with God, or just stayed home and never left for college at all. So I am the only exception that nobody has gotten used to yet.)


It's not that I'm no longer a part of my church and I'm not friends with anyone there anymore, because I definitely am. I'm still a leader, I still help out whenever I can, and I'm going to a conference that only the youth leaders have been invited to in April. I still appreciate all of them and am very, VERY thankful for my church and my pastors and everyone else that is there. But I also think that God called me home to get involved with the church to REDIRECT me to a new place. A new path. Maybe it's because God knows that if Andrew and I get married I will most likely move away so He's preparing me for that ahead of time since I have always been so set on staying in this area forever and always being a part of Life Church. But Andrew's family has been called to ministry AS A FAMILY so maybe I'll end up a part of that as well. Last semester, God spoke to me at a conference about being called to ministry. Last week, this was confirmed.  I still don't know what aspect, but I'm positive I'm called to some aspect of ministry and perhaps that is why God is redirecting me. Or maybe it's something completely aside from all of this. Who knows? God does. But I think that's also why my family and I have been on such awkward terms lately as well. My parents give me less freedom than they did when I was in high school. I went away to college for a semester and now that I'm back, they've been holding on tighter than ever. My parents aren't saved, so they also do not understand being led by God, and that has also been a challenge as of lately.


Which brings me to the fact that I'm going back to Ithaca in the fall; and trust me, I have never spent so much time and effort praying for direction in my entire life. And I'm not stopping. Jeremiah 29:11 has been my life verse this year. It's seriously so pertinent and relevant to my life. God has woken me up in the middle of the night to remind me of that verse countless times over the course of this year. And that is where my trust is going in all of this: God.


No one is too happy about it. It was actually really hard for me at first as well. And I'm sure going back there isn't going to be easy for a lot of reasons. Actually, for a while, I kept feeling like God was confirming for me NOT to go back there. But when I started talking to my parents (I know they mean well and I'm thankful that they only want what's best for me but they have been making things so difficult for me lately) about all of it and applying to different places, the only options that ended up available to me are within like a 1 hour radius - which i know is not what God wants for me. Also, they don't have my major and I know for a fact that speech pathology is where I'm called to be as a career. That's another story though…but ultimately I need to get out, I need to move on, and I need to start seeking God's direction for my life in a new way. I'm not sure how long I'm going to be staying at Ithaca...maybe for a semester, maybe for a year, maybe for the rest of my undergrad….But none of that needs to be decided right now. I'm trusting in God for that as well.


As of right now, my current plan (which this could definitely change) is to either finish up my undergrad at Ithaca or go back to Ithaca for a year and then transfer to New Paltz (this all depends on a lot of different factors) ...and then do grad school for 2 years in the city. Maybe do an internship with Hillsong NYC or one of the churches in the area. I'd love to go to bible school when all is finished but I know my parents would be really upset if I skipped out on getting a degree that would make me money and just went to bible school right now. Also, like I said, I'm supposed to be a speech pathologist.


It is really, truly amazing how God works, and I'm learning that more and more everyday. This year has certainly not been easy for me in the least bit, but looking back on it, I have actually been very blessed in a lot of different ways.

Joy follows a heart that is obedient to God's will even during the most difficult times.

How am I supposed to vent about the way I'm feeling right now via my Blackberry? There is no way that it is humanly possible for my thumbs to type that fast.

All I want to do is cry and stuff my face with peanut butter patty girl scout cookies.

#sobfest

Beauty.

I'm sure you have all had your fair share of the "Most beautiful teen contest" blowing up your newsfeed on Facebook like I have recently experienced this evening. I have to admit, I was rather curious at first - mainly because I thought it was comical and actually quite pathetic. But as I gave it a closer look, and began scrolling through the posts, I noticed a common theme of young girls around the middle school age and a plethora of negatively worded, downright rude comments. In my opinion, this contest is not only pathetic, but it's just another excuse for people to get picked on. It's a window of opportunity for online bullying and sending people's insecurity levels through the roof. Some of the comments I saw were just horrendous. Actually, I don't think I even saw ONE COMPLIMENT that wasn't either sexually degrading or sarcastic. And like I previously said, the age group for most of the contestants is the prime age for insecurity and feelings of self consciousness, especially in young girls. The pressures for a young girl to fit in at school are tough enough without a contest to follow you home and onto your computer where there really is no escape. Not to mention how warped the media is about what society's view of "beauty" actually is. Magazine covers, cosmetic commercials, television programs, etc. are filled with endless images of frail, skeletal, undernourished women to depict our society's version of "beauty." When has it ever been okay to call someone out for being different? Never. Yet, it happens everyday. There is something truly wrong with the image society projects out to children and to the rest of the world, but these flawed judgments have somehow managed to deem their way acceptable in many forms. In more realistic terms, beauty has a significant amount to do with character. In reality, you are beautiful. Each and every single one of you. Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. You deserve to be respected and you deserve to be loved. We all have things we can pick on ourselves about, that we would do anything to change. ”My thighs are huge” or “My hair is too frizzy.” But for every negative thing you think about yourself, you can easily match with something positive. Everybody has something unique about them that makes them special. You are all special. And sooner or later, you will realize that you are the so very blessed, because you are YOU. And that is the only person you should ever want to be. Embrace who you are. Be grateful for what you have. Don’t waste time running from who you are and pretending to be someone that you’re not. Focus on becoming the person you want to be and living the life you have always dreamed of having. You all have equal potential to become somebody great. You already are the most fantastic person in the world. Don’t allow any of the negative confessions from the world around you to bring you down. It isn't worth it.


 In Genesis 1:27 it says,


"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

We were created in God's image; a God who is glorious, beautiful, amazing, and perfect. God created us to be just like him. And although not one of us is (or ever will be) worthy of being compared to a God that is so eternally wonderful, who are we to devalue one of His creations? 1 Timothy 4:4 says,


"Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks."


So where do we get the audacity to insult one of God's creations that HE says is GOOD. Now, you might think that "good" is a pretty self-explanitory word. However, we have come to drastically devalue it's worth in our daily lives as we just seem to throw it around lightly. Think about it: It's Friday night and you just got home from school so you don't really feel like talking to your parents because you just want to get your homework done so that you can go to the movies with your friends tonight - whatever, but they ask you how your day was. Like I said, you just want to get the question out of the way so you give them an emotionless response: "Good." However, that's not how God meant it in this scripture. Actually, Paul was speaking, but he was only saying what God was instructing him to say to Timothy. The word "good" in God's eyes means "morally excellent; virtuous; pious" and "of a favorable character or tendency". See, God thinks highly of us. And even further than that, God loves us. He loves you, he loves me, and he even loves the prostitute on the corner and the drug addict on the street. There is not one person who is too far from God's love, because really, it's RIGHT THERE. GOD Himself is right there next to you, waiting with open arms for you to come to Him and accept his love and mercy with open arms and an open heart. Let me say this again: God is merciful, God is loving, and God is just. So if we are made in His image, He expects us to act the same way. Kind, and without judgment. Now, nobody is perfect, but with God's unfailing mercy and unending grace, He takes us on the path to righteousness, holding our hand and guiding us along the way.


In the end, it is up to us to change they way we look at the world and the people in it. We live in a beautiful world filled with too many lost people, looking in all of the wrong places. We should not judge a person based upon what they look like, or even what they may smell like, because hiding underneath of each and every person out there, is the potential to make a world of difference in our generation with the guidance and assistance of our amazing God.

Encouraging words.

"Just wanted to remind you that you are an amazing young lady. I know working out the details of things is difficult, but you are already a step ahead of most because you know who you are: a woman of strong conviction, compassion and faith. What you are to do can be a complicated question but it is a lot better place to be than being confused about who you are. You are an exemplary young woman of great character."

- Lisa

Dating Delilah

My friend Cameron let me borrow this book called Dating Delilah by Judah Smith. It's all about purity and it's fantastic but since it isn't mine, I can't really write in it or anything so I decided to type up all of the things I want to highlight or underline and keep it here until I'm able to find my own copy of the book.

Notes/Quotes:

• Lack of purity affects intended influence.
• We do not have to be a product of the culture.
• Young people consumed with Christ and His convictions are the only hope for tomorrow's church and tomorrow's world.
• Our decisions have widespread influence and our compromises are hurting the future of our nation.
• We serve the God of the open coffin. We serve the God of the open tomb. It doesn't matter how far we've strayed or what disease we've transmitted. If we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive and purify us. (1 John 1:9)
• God can take us out of a place of desperation and restore us to His purposes.
• God knows where we've been. He is familiar with the coffin that we have been laying in, but He is calling us to sit up because He is has intentions to take us elsewhere. It is time to be obedient and respond to our faith, and sit up. Sit up and speak up.
• "I was not willing to remain silent while my peers went to hell."
• Purity = without mixture. God's original intention was for man to be without mixture. Get decontaminated.
• "All of your efforts...are like Adam and Eve trying to cover themselves up with leaves. You might be trying to cover yourself up with cool designer leaves or multicolor leaves. It's still just leaves. Stop trying to make yourself holy."
• "Jesus loves you the way you are so He can make you into the person He wants you to become."
• Jesus isn't only the lover of our soul, but also the Perfecter of our faith.
• If God commands us to do something, He will always provide us with the grace and the ability to carry it out.
• Purity is the restoration of the image of God in you.
• "Don't you know you are the only Jesus many people will ever see? In compromising your lifestyle, you forfeit your capacity to accurately reflect God's image and endanger an entire generation's understanding of Jesus."
• "You must decrease so He can increase. You must go to God seeking His divine enablement and invite Him to help you live blamelessly. You must make it a priority to spend time seeking God with the purpose of better understanding His character and allowing His spirit to make you more like Him in your thoughts, attitudes, and actions.

2 Chronicles 32

I woke up this morning with a bit of an eery feeling and immediately started crying. At first I thought it might be because Andrew is leaving today but then I started thinking about how I'm going back to Ithaca in the fall (Yes, I'm going back...but that's another long story) and that made me sick to my stomach.

So I prayed for a few minutes and opened up my bible to 2 Chronicles 32. Which, initially, I had no intentions on reading. But God is good, and He urged me to read these pages, so I did; and boy am I thankful. :)

The bible I was reading out of is big, old, orange, and falling apart. It was given to me the day I get saved, nearly 6 years ago, by my youth pastor at the time and it is the NLT version. It is also a Student's Life Application bible which brings me to the point that there is a little excerpt on 32:1-8 entitled "Trusting God" that initially caught my eye and caused me to read this chapter. The excerpt says:

When King Hezekiah was confronted with an Assyriah invasion, he made two important decisions.

(1) He did everything he could do to deal with the situation, and (2) he trusted God for the outcome.

When you're faced with difficult or frightening situations, is this your pattern of action?

This spoke directly to me. I have been in the process of making a plethora of different decisions over the course of this semester, actually this entire year. It takes me a lot of time and persistent prayer to finally make a decision in order to be 100% positive that I have clearly heard from God and that I am taking the right steps to fulfill His will for my life.

Side note: Once I began reading the chapter, 32:5 mentions "supporting terraces" and ironically enough, I lived in the terraces at IC last semester, and that is most likely where I plan on living again in the fall. Although this verse is talking about how King Hezekiah reinforced these terraces and manufactured new weapons and shields to prepare his army during the fight against Assyria, the mention of the terraces reminded me of how that was my safe place in Ithaca. I felt comfortable there, and I had a support system of a couple of great friends. Living in the terraces was also how I came to meet one of the most God fearing, encouraging people I came to know at Ithaca: Jensey. She became one of my very best friends, and I'm so blessed and thankful that God put her in my life. Next year, Jensey and I plan on living in the terraces together again, with rooms right next to each other. Her plan is to be in a triple with our friends Fion and Sam; who will also be great encouragements to me while I am there. So that right there is something to be thankful for, a support system of Godly Christian women.

32:7-8 says:

Be strong and courageous! Don’t be afraid or discouraged because of the king of

Assyria or his mighty army, for there is a power far greater on our side!

He may have a great army, but they are merely men. We have the LORD our God to help

us and to fight our battles for us!” ...

I think that verse basically says it all but it was a reminder to me that God is on my side, despite how it appears sometimes, and despite how it may even feel. God has a plan, a purpose and a destiny for my life and He doesn't expect me to fight my battles alone. Actually, He plans on fighting them FOR me as long as I trust in Him and rely on Him for strength and courage. The devil has been trying his best to come against me lately, and even though he seems efficient and operative in his works, God's power and authority is SO MUCH GREATER and God can't be defeated by anything or anyone because He is all powerful.

Stomp the devil under our feet!

32:10-15

King Sennacherib Assyria sends a message to Hezekiah's people questioning God and mocking their faith and trust in God; saying that He can't rescue their city and trying to convince them that they are being deceived by King Hezekiah. That is what the devil has been trying to do to me lately: he has been trying to take away my trust in God, and instill a spirit of fear and worry inside of me.

God will defeat our adversary. And I am so thankful for that.